I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
