I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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