I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
