Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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