Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
