It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
