She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So much Jack, so little girl.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
