Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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