he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize