The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i think im in europe. pls send help
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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