So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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