I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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