We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
