im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
