everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
