the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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