Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
bring money and cleavage
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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