Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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