Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
