Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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