Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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