i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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