I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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