He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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