He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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