she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
