Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
