you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
