I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
