Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
