I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
