Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize