Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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