I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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