this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She's the barista slut.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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