Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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