Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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