if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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