so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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