Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
