wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
