it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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