Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
