:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
