I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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