Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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