I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
