Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
