You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize