Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i now understand why vodka
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
