I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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