I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
