Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
