That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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