He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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