the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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