I cannot find my penis.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
