do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
