The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
