Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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