why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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