I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
