I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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