She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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