double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
