just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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