Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
