So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i've created a new STD.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
