i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
