Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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